A father or a dad?All it takes to make the difference.
“Anyone man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad”. As the world marked this year’s Father’s Day yesterday, many turned to social media to celebrate their fathers expressing their deep love and admiration for their their general influence in their lives and the society at large. Many including the celebrities and the middle class got a time to at least post pictures of their fathers just to let them know they have a special place in their hearts.
To a number however, the day brought pains as they celebrated the day in silence following the demise of their fathers and the bold enough had a chance to post the images of their long departed fathers just to remember the good moments they shared together.
Yet to others,this day was a day like any other as they did not have tangible reasons to celebrate the men responsible for their existence. The decision of whether to celebrate them or always leaves many in a dilemma while many wish their fathers could not be associated with them following their failure to take fatherhood responsibility. And this raises the question; “Do all fathers qualify to be called daddies?”.
Truth be told, there’s a big difference between what makes a ‘father‘ and a ‘dad‘ … A father is someone who believes that by donating his sperm for your creation, he has done his duty in life. He shares the DNA with the child, but he may or may not share the responsibility in child’s growth and development. A dad is someone who actively participates in the child’s growth and development.He gets up every day and does whatever he can to put a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food on your table.
There are many fathers who believe that once the child is born, their role is over. Of course, they are still the child’s father, as they do share DNA with the child, but they do not share responsibility in the child’s growth and development.Being a true dad therefore takes courage to accept the responsibility and to carry you on to your last breathe. While almost any man can father a child, there is so much more to the important role of being dad in a child’s life. The below jottings will help you tell whether a man is a mere father or a real daddy.
Traditional roles of a father dictate that fathers act in a protective, supportive and responsible way towards their children. Fathers who are active in the children’s lives play a role in how the children grow up. They have an impact on the child’s behavior, psychology and their development.
A dad is someone who actively participates in the child’s growth and development.Good fathers are are men who realize that children are a blessing from the Lord (Ps 127:3-5) and of such realize that their children are their responsibility and will not seek to relinquish their roles to mothers, daycare personnel’s, the church or school or to the government. Fathers are proud to be a dad and are there for their children, even if they can’t provide for them financially as they should.
Dad is a term of affection and familiarity. As human beings, we like to be affectionate and told that we are loved. Yet many people around the world can testify to the fact that their fathers never hug them or told them that he love loves them. As a dad you should occasionally hug your children and tell them you love them. A little affectionate will do more good than bad and helps to build your children self-esteem.
- He leads by example
Good fathers don’t take the approach of “do as I say, and not what I do”, but they will lead by example. If he tells his children not to smoke or drink he also will not smoke or drink alcohol. He will teach them how to walk in the will of God and how to deal with conflict and differences
- Treats his wife like a queen
The most important thing a father can do to his children is to love their mother. Good fathers also teach their children affection by professing his love for their mother and them. He will not will fight with her in their presence or speak emotional abusive words to her, or them. He shows love and respect and lives totally faithful to his wife. He shares the workload as a partner with his wife.This instills confidence and trust to the children.(1 Peter 3:7) Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
- He is a good disciplinarian
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them”, (Proverbs 13:24). Good fathers loves and cares for their children, but at the same time will not let their children do as they please and speak to others anyhow they please without some form of punishment. He will strongly disapprove of their misdeeds and will do what’s necessary to correct them, without being abusive.
Your words have the power to make or break your children. One word of encouragement or positive advice you give to a child could positive affect that child future. Good fathers do not shy away from encouraging or praising their children, even when they burned the dinner and the family has to go to a restaurant instead of enjoying a good meal at home. You may not think that your words will make any difference in your child’s life, but they do. Too many fathers destroy their child’s future by cursing them instead of blessing them. The men of God in the Bible realize this and so bless their children, and it was these words of blessings that propel them into their destiny (e.g. Genesis 49:8–12)
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged (Colosians 3:21). A good dad will take time to listen to their children giving them their undivided attention and trying to understand things from their perspective. Fathers should not take anything their children tells them for granted but if their children reports any form of abuse they should investigate such abuse.
- He Teaches His Children To Appreciate Things
A good dad never lets his children take what they have for granted. From the food on the table to the good education he’s paying for, a good father will make his children see the value in everything they have. He’ll ask his child to get a job to help pay for a part of his first car, and take the time to illustrate how important a good education is. He doesn’t let his kids treat him like an ATM. He teaches his kid to appreciate important purchases he’ll need when he’s responsible enough to travel the world on his own.
Good Fathers protects their children by drawing clear boundaries, look out for their best interest, talk to them about things they should be aware of, and put things in place that will protect them. He teach his child about the consequences of making the wrong choices, how to be a man or woman according to the Bible, and warns them of the dangers of sin. These are the fathers that do not let their kids do as they please but will instill discipline that will be beneficial to all parties and will instill character development. They are not afraid to talk to their children about sex and relationship matters.
- Do not provoke their children to wrath
(Ephesians 6:4) tells fathers that they should not provoke their children to wrath. What this means is that they will not purposefully do things that will make their children scorn, angry, bitter or resentful against them. There will be times that you will have to discipline them and they will not like it but that is very different. Many fathers speak abusive words against their children and these can bring hatred or bitterness.
A child should grow up in a stable and healthy environment. A child who grows up in abusive parental background normally grows up to be abusive. Children need a father who is stable emotionally and not abusers and alcoholics. Children, especially boys, learn from their fathers (trust, character development)
- Spiritual Leader
A good dad does his part to help establish faith in God and belief in principles of accountability to him. He then transfers the same to His children.”You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as front lets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates”. (Deuteronomy 6:7-9)
Becoming the father you want to be is a journey of small steps. You are never too old to learn and to change where needed. Good fathers are very hard to find, but it is not too late for you to be one if you find yourself short.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.( Ephesians 22:6)